Do you hate having fun? Consider Ebenezer Scrooge as a role model? Like giving money to the kids instead of candy on Halloween? Well, read carefully, because on no account should you even consider moving to one of these areas.*

Dubai Marina

Reason you’ll hate it– Too much to do.
What makes it worse– TWO metro stations in the area, and a tram.
Why you might like it– Not a very pet friendly neighbourhood, just like you.

It’s always suspicious when people living in an area are too happy. People who renting properties in Dubai Marina tell us that they never ever get bored of their neighbourhood. And, ludicrous though it may seem, it’s true. There’s something here for everyone, no matter what their hobbies or interests. Watersports. Shopping. Licensed restaurants. Bars. Fine dining. Boat parties. Hard pass. Now ask yourself a question: What if you actually like being bored?

Jumeirah Village Circle

Reason you’ll hate it– Very family-friendly.
What makes it worse– 33 beautifully landscaped parks, and counting.
Why you might like it– The noise of ongoing construction is sweet music to your ears.

One of the most sought-after renting destinations in Dubai is certainly hiding something. How can it be so affordable to live when it is so close to the Dubai Marina, Dubai Internet City, Dubai Media City and JLT? There is hardly any traffic within JVC itself and to top it all, it has a dedicated bus service that is connected to Mall of the Emirates.

And if you hate the colour green, stay far away from JVC. There’s a park or garden at every corner and turn, filled with joyous kids and cute puppies. Yuck.


Reason you’ll hate it– Serene. Almost too serene.
What makes it worse– Too many schools, and twice as many parks.
Why you might like it– Limited public transit access means fewer visitors.

Mirdif is a quiet, family-focused suburb, filled with pretty villas, cute apartments, and quirky townhouses. It would be perfect for anyone. Anyone except for you, that is.
It’s too peaceful, and there are zero skyscrapers here. Large villas means ample space for a garden and landscaping, but that just sounds like more work!

If you don’t like making choices, don’t choose Mirdif. There’s just so many good schools in Mirdif to pick from, offering curricula from all around the world. There’s Uptown School, Mirdif Private School, Ontario International Canadian School and Star International School, for example.

The silver lining to this dark cloud is noisy planes in the sky. Mirdiff is quite close to the Dubai International Airport, and on the flight path. Hey, at least the loud sounds scare away the pigeons!

Downtown Dubai

Reason you’ll hate it– Dubai Mall is right at your doorstep.
What makes it worse– You’re subject to beautiful views of Dubai’s most famous landmarks.
Why you might like it– You won’t.

Living in Downtown Dubai is almost every Dubai-ite’s dream, but it will probably be more of a nightmare for you. Why would anyone want to spend their morning casually sitting at one of the many restaurants or cafes that dot the Burj Boulevard, sipping on a cappuccino and watch the world go by? And why would anyone want to live in the shadow of the imposing Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world? Parades are for schmucks, as are classic car shows, street markets, food trucks and pleasant evening strolls. And don’t even get us started on living so close to attractions like the Dubai Mall, Dubai Opera and the Dubai Fountains.

*This is a satirical article. All locations listed here are fantastic places to live.

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